Concrete Mind

(Well I’d better write something, since I feel… odd… having Mic’s picture show up every time I’m here. I’m not sure she even actually noticed it, anyway.)

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I had dinner with a group of friends on Saturday, a few of which I hadn’t seen in several months. At one point, we were discussing the new Pride and Prejudice, when my friend Matt said, “Keith makes opinions like most people pour cement. There’s no point in arguing with him.”

I couldn’t help but laugh; I know I’m opinionated. And I tend to speak my opinion in absolutes. I’m not even going to come up with an example, because 90% of the people reading this will know exactly what I’m talking about. At dinner, my friend Julie replied, “But I like arguing with him, that’s what makes it fun!” She gets me. She, and many of my good friends, understand this about me: It’s banter. I don’t really think less of you if you disagree with me. (Well, OK, maybe some times I do… but my friends know the difference between serious opinion and banter opinion.)

But it’s interesting this came up, because it is something I have been thinking about lately. What about the people that don’t know me that well? Do they understand that I do it in jest? I don’t think they always do. Or even if they do, I’m sure not everybody appreciates it. And I don’t want to alienate potential friends over one piece of my personality because I fail to be understanding of theirs.

How do I balance this? Because it is a part of me. Should I subdue it in certain situations? And how do I do that out of love, without “burying” the real me? I mean, it’s part of who I am, and if you’re around me for, oh ten minutes, you’re going to see it (Three if we’re also with someone who likes to provoke me). Is it wrong to change yourself for others?

Posted in life

6 Comments

  • Roger
    I know from experience that people who don't know you well don't understand and do take it the wrong way. That happened recently between me and my mother in law...and my sister in law... It is not wrong to change yourself for others, but I would suggest that if you are going to change than just make sure it is for the better, not just for others.
  • Geof F. Morris
    I think that my issue, Keith, is that you state opinions as facts. I personally feel that this makes your opinions seem weaker and not stronger. I'm all for strongly-help opinions and beliefs, but I think they need to be stated as such. [Folks have asked me if I wrote my opinions and facts entry about you. In part, yes; I just see lots of people doing this, though.] I think you can change, though, because I did. How do you couch the change? Depends; you, as a writer, may realize that if your goal is to inform and entertain, you need appropriate language for the situation, and stating opinions as facts all the time blurs the distinction between the two and means that you do a poorer job of communicating than you are capable of doing.
  • Kari
    I have been interacting with you on the board for a few years off and on, Keith, and I had no idea that you weren't being mostly serious when you put other people's opinions down (which is what you do when you state your opinion as fact). When you said that last week after the Jane Austen brouhaha, I was shocked. I mean, I could tell that you thought it (the way you talk in general, not specifically the Jane Austen stuff) was funny, but I certainly didn't. I have honestly found it to be pretty offensive. You seem like a nice guy, but talking with you about ANYTHING (movies, coffee, books, music) was really frustrating. All I knew was that you were putting down what I thought while claiming to be an elitist, something you seemed to be proud of, and something that doesn't indicate to me that you aren't taking yourself or the discussion seriously. Quite the opposite, in fact - since you claimed to be an elitist, I felt that the way you were talking was actually very serious, and that you were actually looking down on me (or others), no matter how many smiley faces you used to try to soften it. It seems to me like you can't claim both to be an elitist and for it all to be a joke, because those seem pretty incompatible. I don't think it's as much a case of burying who you really are - I have strong opinions, too. It's just that there are ways to express your opinions without disregarding what others think.
  • Keith
    This has been very educational. And humbling :oops: Thanks for your replies.
  • Geof F. Morris
    Keith, if I didn't like you and care about you, I would have just kept my comment to myself.
  • SarahJane
    For what it's worth, Keith, I haven't ever been offended by your opinions or the way you state them. But maybe I just know you well enough to know how to take your opinions on unimportant matters lightly since we chat so often; or maybe I just understand that kind of banter since my ("real life") friends and I have probably used that kind of conversation since high school.

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