Privacy and Change

Blogging has been interesting the last month or so. I feel like so much of what’s going on in my life is private, now that I’m dating. It has been an incredible month, with several great weekends together. But I just don’t feel like spouting off on here about all the details. So I’m sorry if my posting has been aloof.

Though I do have to ask myself, what has God taught me through the past forty days? The entire shape of my life has changed, in so many ways. I plan on moving to Seattle this fall. Which also means finding a new church. I’ve had a lot of thoughts about pursuing ministry to high schoolers after that shift.

Somewhere in here, I’ve seen my hunger for him. Courtney gave me a “what are you thinking?” type question this weekend, at a point when I was being pretty quiet (something that usually means I’m deep in thought without realizing it). It was almost entirely off-topic, but I starting spewing all of these thoughts and longings for God and wanting to be back in that place where my relationship with God was about love, about romance (in the classic sense), instead of being about following rules or trying to figure out answers.

In those moments, I was able to articulate things that had been going on in my heart for upwards of two years, but had not realized until now. This post from this last December really hit on it. I knew something was up deep inside, but I didn’t really know what.

I’m ready to move. I’m ready for a new church. A new setting. A place where I can reboot and rebuild. Start new habits and strive to live the life I truly want to live. I want to be about people, pouring myself out to those God puts in my path. To let my devotionals be about knowing God and observing Christ’s life in the gospels, instead of about just reading for reading’s sake.

Change has hit. After years of waiting, in so many arenas of life, it’s here. Praise the Lord for life’s seasons. I’m excited to see what this new one holds.