Cutting Strings

I just left my church. Only minutes ago I got back from coffee with the pastor sharing my heart with him. It’s amazing how scary and relieving it is all at the same time.

I’ve known for a few months now I’d be doing this, but now that I’m here, I feel a strange sense of dread: was this really the right thing to do? Am I really going to find a church that’s what I’m looking for? In this city, I’m actually pretty skeptical. Theologically, I know I can find that place. But finding a church that matches theologically while also addressing the cultural issues I’m concerned about may be more difficult.

I want a church that’s small (though Courtney is quick to remind me that my definition of “small” is really a normal-sized church, after attending a church of 1000+ for a decade). I want a church that is friendly to our postmodern world. I want a church that isn’t afraid to build relationships with the community even in places where they won’t ever be preaching the gospel message; because the gospel isn’t just a message, but a way of life.

I’ve never “church shopped” before. This was the church I became a believer in. The church I did six overseas mission trips with (I was even the leader for two of them). I never had to compare it to anywhere else. Never had to weigh my options and really pray and decide “which would be best?” I recently found a wonderful place that I thought could be it, but after Sunday’s service, I’m feeling more skeptical. I really don’t want to be stuck hunting for months. I don’t want to be stuck in transition interminably. I want somewhere I can throw myself immediately and whole-heartedly into ministry and relationships. I want a place to call home.